A community for otome/dating sim fans

I think it was creeping up on me slowly, that feeling you never really can avoid I think, when you like creating things. Questioning whether you are good enough, if there really is room in this world for what you make and want to make.

It's ironic, cause I think we all agree on the classic tumblr cake meme, where one person is busy comparing their cake to a fancier one, and someone else is like "nice, two cakes!!!" -- Something I also really enjoy about this analogy is how you can also technically have the fanciest, prettiest, most decorated and maybe even best made cake, but if the person eating just wants a messy, hastily thrown together cake of a specific, different flavour, then that cake might even be a lot more enjoyable for them. So of course there's room for all of the cakes! 

Even so, I found myself wondering this after seeing yet another tweet about this one particular author in the fandom I have recently joined. I haven't read any fics, and therefore I also haven't read theirs, but I've read a few summaries of fics, including their famous one, and they all sounded amazing! I wish I could instead be excited about all of the different cakes, rather than worry about wasting my timeputting out my own cakes, as if anyone would ever be like "why would someone post ANOTHER fic of them... urgh" like I don't think anyone (worth listening to, at least) would complain about having more content, even if it isn't particularly to their tastes.

It's not just with writing that this recent feeling of inferiority has taken a hold of me. I play a few ttrpgs at the moment, and I keep feeling like every time I open my mouth, I am simply wasting time or energy from others, and that they must all be annoyed, waiting for me to finish so they can go on with the actually exciting stuff. My dear friend is GM in both games, and in one we have been toying with the idea of my char romancing one of their NPCs, but I'm so anxious that even when they literally hand me the poor lad on a silver platter, I panic and drag things out. I enjoy slow burn and I don't want to force anything either, but I really just... idk, I just constantly fear that people will suddenly realise that they're wasting time on me and get annoyed with me for having taken up so much of theirs.

It's the same with this video game we are playing. I know my friend and I are both constantly scared of dragging the others down, but I just constantly feel this, and it's taking so much away from my pleasure of playing, which also makes me feel guilty. I just worry again that they are frustrated with me for not being able to keep up, even though I know sometimes that it isn't the case. Other times I can't help but feel that it really is, and that I should ... idk, get my shit together and leave them alone. I know my friends like playing with me! I think even if am kind of worse, they probably wouldn't mind. If not, why would they always ask me to play with them, yk? They could just not do that. Ah... they are generally really good at letting me know they would want to play with me, cause it's not like I'm forcing them to, and reminding myself of this really helps. (╥ᆺ╥；)

Idk, I think it's good to write these things out, exactly cause it slowly leads me to the whole conclusion thing of like, yeah dude, you might feel this way and that's fine, but also look at the facts. You aren't bothering people by existing! 

And writing all this out, I also think it's a good time to remind myself that I am having all these feelings because I am currently stepping out of my comfort zone and pushing myself! Wow! I am playing ttrpgs with others, I am pushing myself and playing competitively in games, and I am writing again! Finally. And the mind is afraid of the unknown, so naturally it is telling me to be careful, to sneak back to the safety of my comfort zone, but I am growing! I am pushing my boundaries, slowly and painfully, but continuing to do so!